There is no place like home …
When you grow up things change. Marriage and children lead us down paths we may not have had planned. God directs our steps and some times that leads us several hundred miles away from home. In my case leaving all my family and friends and moving to another state.
Happy and satisfied characterize my feelings towards the path I am on. I believe God has placed my family exactly where we are supposed to be. He has cultivated our hearts to serve him in every facet of life. With our move a slow reshaping of our family began to take place. This change has effected our eating habits, choice of entertainment, relationships, our finances, and our worship of God.
This has affected my relationship with my family back home. Of course we have to overcome the distance between us but also the misunderstandings, presumptions, and our varying schedules that interfere. I am not close by anymore to be aware of family disputes, concerns, celebrations, triumphs, events, or any other monument in their lives. I miss a lot and I am forgotten; at no fault of theirs. It’s a struggle to be away from those I love and who love me.
I get a glimpse into their lives through social media and we know how contorted that can become. I often find myself overreacting or feeling emotions before I truly understand. I have found myself sticking my foot in my mouth far to often. I have realized that being so far away takes patience and trust that I don’t always have. I will at times make up scenarios that have been distorted or blow up to be bigger than they are. This is a painful truth that is hard for me to grip. It’s difficult to be away and feel neglected and ignored. It’s difficult to sit here and miss them everyday!
With all of these hardships I know where I am to be. I understand my place (as a distant relative) and I need to be loving across this distance. I will always love my family and friends but my heart is in serving God here in this place. I know I have reacted in disrespectful ways and I have created some regrets. I pray my family and friends forgive me and understand my heart.
I have never wanted to hurt you. I have only wanted the best for you. I want you to understand my love is great for you though I don’t express it enough.
I trust that you will make wise decisions and do whats right in the sight of God. I am sorry for judging you and degrading you, please forgive me? I was wrong! I love you and I am praying for you. My words may seem small but my heart is heavy!
With this I need your prayers to deal kindly and appropriately with my family and friends back home. This is much harder than I thought. You never truly understand separation in this context until you experience it.
With Great Love and Truth